Dennis Mahon: Bass, vocals
The newest Thief member, Dennis Mahon, replaced retired Thief bassist and vocalist, Rudy Lopez. (Contrary to popular belief, Rudy was not forced to resign pending an internal investigation nor was he placed on unpaid administrative leave.) As is the custom, Rudy received the standard Thief retirement package of a hearty handshake and a six-pack of generic beer and Dennis received the standard Thief welcome of juvenile insults and general derision.
Dennis caused considerable confusion upon joining Thief. First, because he is actually a very talented musician (something of a rarity in “The 7th Best Band in Covina”), and second because the band had long ago reached its full quota of band members named Dennis. Even though they look nothing alike, after a few beers and shots of tequila Dave refers to both of them as “brother.”
Several methods were suggested to differentiate the two Deni (which, according to Webster’s New World Dictionary is the accepted plural for Dennis). The obvious solution of referring to them as Mr. Mahon and Mr. Demerjian seemed a bit formal for rock & roll. One suggestion, referring to them as Dennis 1 and Dennis 2 sounded too much like a cloning experiment gone horribly wrong or a bad movie sequel. Calling them New Dennis and Old Dennis was bothersome to Old Dennis, who, ironically was at one time the youngest Thief member. Referring to them as Big Dennis and Little Dennis was bothersome to both. Dennis Classic and New and Improved Dennis was also rejected, as was the idea to simply change their names to Nigel and Mick. So, for simplicity sake we call them each Dennis and address our comments to whichever one responds.
True fact: Dennis played in a King Crimson tribute band that performed all of King Crimson’s most popular songs during their 8½ minute shows.