F.A.Q.

How did Thief get its name?

The original members of Thief were big fans of THE WHO and to pay homage to their idols they wanted to call themselves THE IF (since THE WHAT, THE WHERE and THE HOW were already taken by other local bands).  Unfortunately, when they ordered their first batch of business cards, the printer misspelled their name as THI EF.  Not wanting to waste another $7.95 on new cards, they just changed their name. 

 

Is it true that Dennis won't say "shit" even if he had a mouthful of it?

That is true and has been confirmed through a series of actual scientific (and rather disgusting) tests.

 

Is it true that Dave has no actual musical ability and is only in the band because he is the only one smart enough to set up the P.A. system?

That is true.  But, Dave has an enormous, yet fragile, ego and believes that he is a virtuoso on both guitar and keyboards so never point at him and laugh hysterically during Thief performances.

 

How come Doug gets to be the lead singer?

First of all, because he is the oldest.  Second of all, because he has threatened to kick the ass of anyone who tries to "steal his spotlight."

 

Is it true that some music critics have claimed that Thief is a better band than the Beatles?

That is true, with a disclaimer.  What the critics said is that Thief is better than the Beatles in one respect.  The Beatles were only together for less than 10 years and Thief has been together over 30 years.  That makes Thief "better" as far as staying together.  As far as musical ability, impact on popular culture and the effect each band has had on an entire generation, it's really a coin toss.

 

Thief's motto is "the more you drink, the better we sound" is there any truth to that?

A review of gig recordings reveals that, surprisingly, the band does not actually sound better in front of a drunk audience than it does in front of a sober audience.  But scientific tests conclude that a drunk audience is much more forgiving of miscues, wrong notes and just plain bad musicianship.

 

Why does Thief change bass players every 15 years?

Because our previous two bass players were excellent musicians and 15 years seems to be the absolute longest period of time that an excellent musician can play in the same band with non-excellent musicians.  We will test that theory with our new bass player.

 

Why does Thief have a strict "no request" policy?

Because adding a requested song into a set is an extremely risky move.  Thief can just barely play the songs on their set list without adding unnecessary variables like "requests."

 

Why doesn't Thief perform at weddings?

There are several reasons.  People who attend wedding receptions expect a certain polished professionalism from wedding bands which Thief sorely lacks.  Thief prefers playing at venues where the expectations of the audience are significantly lower, and therefore attainable.  Also, Thief doesn't like anyone telling them what to do, such as Aunt Gladys requesting a mambo or the bride's father requesting the band to put the beer keg back where they found it.

 

Why do the guys in Thief look so old?

It depends on how you define "old."  They may appear to be slightly older than, let's say, Justin Bieber, but you must admit, they keep themselves in excellent shape.  And, compared to the Rolling Stones, the members of Thief are actually quite young.

 

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