You are probably asking yourself, why is there a new Thief website? Think of it as a small step in our journey to improve ourselves. The truth is, we are sick and tired of being the “7th Best Band in Covina.” The best band in Covina gets all the glory. The 7th best? We get no respect. For over 30 years we have been attempting to unseat those pompous bastards who comprise the 6th best band in Covina (although we have absolutely no idea who the 6th best band in Covina is) but that goal, thus far, has been beyond our grasp. In an attempt to claw our way up in the ranks of the Covina local band hierarchy, and realize our dream, we developed a 10 step improvement plan:
1) Learn how to play our instruments;
2) Stop drinking;
3) Rehearse occasionally;
4) Get better looking;
5) Stop drinking;
6) Wear matching outfits;
7) Get a bass player with hair;
8) Get a drummer who speaks;
9) Stop drinking (in case it didn’t work the first two times);
10) Revamp our website
After spending significant time and effort toward reaching our goals (an entire 28 minutes, although it didn’t appear that Doug was trying at all) we realized that accomplishing all 10 goals was unrealistic (and that goals 2, 5 and 9 were completely out of the question).
As a result, we decided to take baby steps and begin with #10. We then quickly realized that revamping our website would be even more difficult than learning to play our instruments (especially if we stopped drinking). So, after a lengthy search, we contracted with an independent consultant (Javany’s daughter) for an undisclosed sum (.0004% of our fee in the event we ever open for Justin Beiber) and this is the result. We hope you approve and agree that we are one step closer to overtaking our hated competition, the 6th best band in Covina.